Body Sculture Happenings (FINAL)

"Blood Test."

ARTIST'S STATEMENT: This was my final work for this semester and one of the most challenging pieces I have ever done. I used this project as a means to discuss the complications of my mother's Type I Diabetes and the guilt and responsibility I had felt surrounding her death. The piece was a very painful but essential work for me to experience, as this was the first time I was choosing to confront my guilt head on. 

I wanted to represent the pain she'd lived through with gangrene and the constant blood tests she would have to take everyday. I pulled away the fingers to represent the pain she experienced losing her limbs to the disease, while revealing the blood on my hands- a testament to my own guilt behind the situation and all the blood she had lost in the many years she suffered.

The song I chose, "A Little Bit Longer" by Nick Jonas, was a song that I felt was necessary for the performance. The lyrics, written about the artist's own experiences with Type I Diabetes, were ones that I have been wishing to incorporate into my work for a very long time. The words hold double meanings and hit the emotional core of what it means to be a diabetic; the song meant a lot to my mother, and I felt that no other words could describe her personal pain better. 

I did many takes recording the song. While the one I went with was slightly off-tune and wasn't the prettiest, I felt that it was the best take to place in the video. I had recorded it during an emotional moment I was experiencing while trying to work on the project, and I feel that letting myself show my sincerity towards the situation was much more effective and meaningful that making it sound pleasant. 

This project was a very painful one for me to work through. I feel that I have finally opened wounds I've been hiding rather than pushing them away. While it does not provide closure, it does provide acknowledgement for me, and I think it was an necessary step I needed to take- both in my own healing process and in my desire to spread awareness of the pain behind Type I Diabetes to those around me.